Does the ____ that showed up fit the bill? Give it a score and find out!

Here’s a funny new word that I’ve coined. It’s ok, I’m allowed to make up my own words. You can do it too, if having my permission means anything to you.

The word is “arafeminex” and it’s definition is ‘the requirements for my next _______’.

I’m not sure if this will catch on in the world at large, but since it’s just you and I right now, let me share with you what it has done for me.

I created my first arafeminex back in 2005, way before I ever learned about how This Stuff’s Working! But, once I learned about the Law of Attraction, I realized that the tool I created was attraction in action. It was me expressing my desire, in detail, focusing on exactly what I wanted, and believing it was possible for myself so much that I refused to settle for less.

Back then, I was looking for my next relationship. I had been single for several months and was going on one disastrous date after the other. I was chasing after people that weren’t interested in dating me and running from people I wasn’t interested in dating. It was frustrating and I felt like I was wasting time, energy and money, yet not enjoying life. At the time, I was a complainer and a blamer. Boy, did I complain. I also blamed the city I had just moved to, Los Angeles, for the drama and dissatisfaction I was experiencing on the social dating scene.

After one particular dramatic bad date, I decided I’d had enough. My dating life was horrible, but I did have plenty of fun when just hanging out with my new friends. I also really enjoyed my alone time. (I had been in intensely dependent back to back relationships for the prior three years.) So I made a conscious decision to stop dating, stop pursuing, and stop looking for love. I would just enjoy life, enjoy my new friends, my new city, my new job. I would enjoy myself. I used the spare time to get very clear on exactly what I wanted.

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I opened up a document on my computer and created my first arafeminex, then titled Requirements For My Next Girlfriend (arafemingee-ef) On it, I listed out three PRE-REQUISITES to be met before I would even say yes to or ask for a first date. Then beneath that, I listed out the additional requirements by which those that I chose to go on a date with would be scored.

Once my arafemingee-ef was instituted, life got easier almost immediately. I went on a couple of dates with people that met the pre-requisites. After the date, I assigned them a score on my arafemingee-ef and then had an honest conversation with myself about whether or not I wanted to date them further.

What was amazing about the process is that those early arafemingee-efs revealed that I was NOT really into the person I had dated. I might have known that already inside, but seeing it on paper like that really helped me to REALIZE it, and make a conscious decision that would free me from drama and unhappiness. It also helped prevent me from ruining friendships.

So, if the person didn’t “pass”, it was easier for me to make the decision not to date them further based on something more tangible than my gut. Over the following few months, I completed three arafemingee-ef assessments before I met someone that got high scores on it. Wouldn’t you know, that one was THE ONE! In July 2013, we’ll have been together for seven years and have been ridiculously happily married for five years.

The arafeminex is great because if you have one, it means you’ve taking the crucial extra step beyond simply expressing what you want or need. You have focused on the Desire enough to clearly define its elements and its essence. By establishing these qualifications, you have a means to assess your progress towards what you want and a way to evaluate whether or not what shows up in your experience is an ACTUAL manifestation of your Desire, or something else.

It’s easy to want. It can be challenging to drill down into the details, and clearly define the full picture of what you want. Having an arafeminex gives you a very good start towards examining what you want, and making it happen.

I believe we should all have some arafeminex in our lives. I am sure you actually have some right now.

What are the requirements for your next job? Your next relationship? Your next home? Your next trip? Your next _______?

What elements, characteristics and traits that must be present in order for the next ______ to be allowed access to your life?

What characteristics must NOT be present? (The things you don’t want tell you a lot about what you do want.)

You have the power to shape your life. Make your measure of success a matter of how CLOSE what you’re manifesting in your life is to what you truly want. Have the courage to say “No thanks” to the things that don’t meet the criteria.