Archive for: Love

KL’s LoveNotes #18: List the Requirements For Your Next Love

July 22, 2013 - Author: KishaLynn Elliott

It’s time to take getting clear on what you want to the next level. The more specific you are in the details of what you want, the more accurate your manifestation will be.

I know it can be hard to ask for precisely what you want. There’s fear of disappointment to combat, as well as the critical “yeah right” voice of your inner cynic.

The way through that is to realize that you are in creation mode right now. Creating requires vision and details. That’s the work. Once you do the work, in some ways you can detach from the outcome, knowing you’ve done your part to express your desire completely, and having faith that you will manifest that, or something better, in a harmonious way.

Besides, you’re not writing your ideals in stone. They will evolve and change as you are constantly evolving and changing. No need to expect perfection–only to understand and believe in what would be perfect for you.

Having your clear criteria defined helps you in every other phase of the process to create the love you seek. It helps you:

-Know where to place yourself
-Assess and weigh your prospects in an informed way
-Visualize the love in your life in rich color
-Recognize your true love when it arrives

If you find it hard to list your requirements, here’s a “pro-tip”:

Start from the basis of someone you already know you like. Then add and subtract your desired characteristics to that person. In other words, use your “crushes” for more than woeful pining. Let your affection be a strong starting point for shaping your vision. You can even do this with a celebrity infatuation. For example, let’s say you have a crush on (wait for it…) Beyonce. Then your starting requirements for your next love might include criteria about being stunningly beautiful, being musically talented, currently making a successful living pursuing their passion in life. From there, you might add that the person needs to be accessible to you and available for love (which Beyonce is decidedly not). You might subtract the characteristic that Beyonce is a workaholic and must travel around the world for long periods of time without you. See? Now you have a pretty nicely defined set of criteria for what you’re seeking!

It may start out as a bit silly, but in all seriousness, be prepared for this experience to take you anywhere. Most importantly, be expectant that it will lead you to the love you want and deserve.

For more guidance on building out your requirements, go read my blog “Requirements For My Next…”

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KishaLynn Elliott is a coach, inspirational speaker, and author of the bestselling e-book A D.R.E.A.M. Comes True: 5 Steps to Planning and Creating Your Personal Success Story NOW! She teaches single lesbians to Find Your Equal in love and in life. If you are ready for true love, schedule a free initial consultation and let’s work together…to get her.

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KL’s LoveNotes #17: Become A Flirt

July 19, 2013 - Author: KishaLynn Elliott

Ahhh, the fine art of flirting! It’s a skill that anyone–YES ANYONE–can (and should) acquire. Even if/when you’re not single anymore, flirting can help keep the love flames burning. So, if you don’t know how to flirt–LEARN. If you do know how to flirt–DO IT!

What is flirting?

Well, none of the “dictionary” definitions really do it for me, so here’s my very own:

Flirting is the friendly act of communicating interest in another person.

You can flirt verbally with words/compliments.

You can flirt non-verbally with facial expressions using your eyes and mouth or by using your body language–how you sit, stand, hold your arms, etc.

You can flirt in writing.

You can flirt in ways that engage the five senses: using images, sounds, taste, scent and touch if and when appropriate.

There are truly so many delicious and fun ways to flirt.

Flirting gets a bad rap because some interpret it to be overtly sexual in nature. Not so.

While there definitely IS a way to flirt sexually, my emphasis is more on friendly interest. The desired outcome is not necessarily sex, or even love. The outcome to communicate interest. That covers a range of desires from:
-Establishing eye contact
-Getting a smile or a compliment
-Having a conversation
-Spending time with someone in a casual or dating setting
-OK, yes you can be interested in sex too. 😉

So, who should you flirt with? Well, if you’re trying to cultivate the skill and art of flirting, then here’s one bold strategy:

FLIRT WITH EVERYONE!

Before you think I’m nuts (or worse), remember my definition of flirting: a friendly act of communicating interest in another person. So, to flirt with everyone, you really work on being more interested in and curious about others, and finding ways to communicate that interest in a friendly way. As always, use your common sense and don’t do anything that would compromise your core values or tarnish your reputation. Beyond that though, flirt away!

As you hone and develop this skill, you’ll learn to tune in to the people who hold your interest for romance, dating and love. By then, you’ll be a flirting expert, and sparks will fly when your path crosses with The One.

If you need more help becoming a master flirt, SUPERFLIRT by Tracey Cox is an excellent resource. (Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, so if you buy the book through this link, I may get a couple cents in my bank account. And that’s a good thing.)

Fly along and flirt my friends. As they say, there’s nothing to it but to do it.

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KishaLynn Elliott is a coach, inspirational speaker, and author of the bestselling e-book A D.R.E.A.M. Comes True: 5 Steps to Planning and Creating Your Personal Success Story NOW! She teaches single lesbians to Find Your Equal in love and in life. If you are ready for true love, schedule a free initial consultation and let’s work together…to get her.

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KL’s LoveNotes #16: Find Someone Whose Flaws Are Perfect For You

July 18, 2013 - Author: KishaLynn Elliott

Just like you’re not perfect, neither will be your ideal partner. There’s gonna be more than a few downsides to any person. It’s human nature to have flaws.

Does this mean you lower your standards and grab the first person breathing who smiles back? Heck no.

Does it mean that you accept that your one true love may be a 4.5 on a 5 point scale? Possibly.

You should have a clear sense of EXACTLY what you what in and from your next relationship. But also acknowledge that some of those criteria are weighted more heavily than others. You’re looking for compatibility over perfection.

As you begin to manifest viable prospects for dating and love, take a look at what’s right about them, and what’s missing. Then, let your heart and brain have a little chat about what you truly feel. In the end, you’ll be loving a whole person–including their flaws. They’ll be doing the same with you.

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KL’s LoveNotes #15: Remain Open and Take Your Time

July 17, 2013 - Author: KishaLynn Elliott

Anything worth having is worth the time it takes to achieve it.

While there are stories of people meeting “the one”, falling in love, getting married fast, and living happily ever after, the fact is that for the rest of us, it’s a process.

Just like finding the right career.

Just like building financial wealth.

Just like getting into shape and manifesting your ideal body.

Just like planning a major trip or purchase.

It’s important to know this from the start. This way, you can relax into the process of change. Also, to the greatest extent possible, you can enjoy it.

If you feel like it’s taking a long time to manifest the love you seek, then it’s possible that you’re trying too hard to force it.

Take a different approach–don’t force. Allow. Be open.

Affirm that all things, including love, are unfolding perfectly in your life, in the right timing.

There is an abundance of time and love available. The Universe is friendly to your desires.

The only thing you can do wrong at this point is to decide This Stuff’s Not Working, and close yourself off from the love that’s on its way to you right now. Realize that it IS on the way BECAUSE you intend to manifest it and you remain open to it.

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KL’s LoveNotes #14: Create A Map To Your Heart

July 16, 2013 - Author: KishaLynn Elliott

There’s so many ways and places that you could meet your next love. It’s better to allow that love to find the best way to flow into your life rather than you going out trying to find one person in seven billion people on earth.

Give yourself a winning edge by determining all the different roads and paths your soulmate can use to reach you. Make it a visual exercise and have fun with it. Here’s how:

First, find a great photo of yourself–a headshot where your smiling face is showing. The picture should represent how you’d like the one for you to see you. You might want to look sexy in it, be glammed up and gorgeous in it, or just casual natural you. You might be doing something fun in, or it might capture a special moment in your life. You’ll know the right photo when you find or take it.

Next, place that photo in the center of a blank piece of paper, or a Word Document. Then, draw a big heart around it.

At the top of the page, write: THE WAY TO MY HEART. You can also use your name instead of “my” to make it more personal.

Now, start drawing lines, paths or roads that lead to your photo heart in the center from various directions. You can have as many or as few as you’d like, but I recommend starting with at least 3-5 paths on your map.

On each of the roads, write one possible way that your perfect partner might meet or access you. The options are only limited by your imagination, so you can go wild here, or keep it practical. Think about the places you like or want to go, the things you like or want to do. Here’s some examples:

Church
School
Volunteering with…
Online sites
Social Media
Introduced by Friends or Family
My favorite museum
Book club
Dance club
Concerts and shows
Local grocery store
Etc…

Be sure to create paths that you’d actually WANT to meet the love of your life. Some people won’t want to date a coworker or meet in a bar. But, don’t take it too seriously either. The truth is you won’t really know how you will ultimately stumble upon the one, and you don’t need to. This is a visualization exercise, the point of which is to generate tons of allowing Emotional Energy for you so that you can see there are many ways to find the love you seek, or for it to find you. The “map” can also be used as a great resource for creating your dating strategic plan down the line.
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KL’s LoveNotes #13: Use Music To Get Into The Vibration Of Love

July 15, 2013 - Author: KishaLynn Elliott

OK bear with me. I need to get all metaphysicsubconciousiggityblah for just a moment.

All emotion is energy. All energy vibrates on a frequency. That frequency attracts MORE energy vibrating on the SAME frequency back to the source. That’s the Law of Attraction. That’s how This Stuff’s Working!

So, what’s that have to do with love? Well, love is an emotion. Loving energy vibrates on a frequency that attracts more love back to the source–which in this case, would be you? Do you want to attract love into your life? Then you need to vibrate on the love frequency. One powerful, amazing, and quite simple way to do this is through music.

I’ve learned (and have taught others) how to use music as a very powerful tool in your Emotional Energy arsenal. If you’re stuck in feelings you can’t shift out of–loneliness, doubt, fear, resentment–anything emotions that might be repelling love from your life, then music can give you an immediate boost, aligning you with the right energy. The best part about it is, all you have to do is press play.

Create a Loving playlist–either in your music library in your computer, on your smartphone or mp3 player, on a CD or on YouTube (my personal favorite). Fill the playlist with songs that put you into the energetic flow of love. Populate it with music that gets you in the vibration of the love you’re seeking for your life. Choose the tunes that make your heart sing out! Then, listen…listen until you feel the music, the lyrics, the beat, the love, sinking right into your heart and soul. You’ll know it because you’ll feel wonderful, even if you’re by yourself. If you feel the urge to sing–sing! Go deeper! Strengthen that vibration! Wanna dance? Move it and imagine that true love being right there in step with you.

Know that when you’re doing this, you’re not simply playing make believe. You are CREATING love, attracting love through your energetic vibration. Music is such a powerful tool. There’s no limit to the number of ways you can use it TODAY to step into alignment with what you want.

To help you along, I’ve embedded my Emotional Energy Shifting-LOVING playlist from YouTube to get you started and inspire the creation of your own. Feel free to subscribe to the This Stuff’s Working! YouTube Channel for more Emotional Energy shifting playlists!

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KL’s LoveNotes #12: Forgive Every Past Love

July 12, 2013 - Author: KishaLynn Elliott

Still talking about the date from hell that occurred months or even years ago?

Still feeling resentment towards that ex-lover or spouse?

Do yourself and your love life a huge favor, right now.

Forgive. Let the bad story go. If you can’t do it for the other person, do it for yourself.

When you hold on to the anger, the pain, the trauma, the drama, it remains a thought in your mind. Thoughts become things. The feelings around those thoughts are very powerful energy. Like attracts like.

I understand. You suffered! You lost! You were hurt/abused/abandoned/lied to/cheated on/stolen from/fill-in-the-blank love-gone-wrong horror story. It was bad!! It sucked!! It hurt!! Your anger is real, and even justifiable.

But, here’s a question:

Do you want pity or do you want true love?

If you want true love, then you must forgive. Forgive them. Forgive yourself.

No one said forget. Everything happens for a reason. Even the worst circumstances from your past can serve your highest good. It just requires a shift in perspective to appreciation for what your experienced taught you about yourself, about others, and about the world. Appreciative reflection, rather than resentful recollection, opens the door for you to learn and grow.

What would happen if you chose to forgive right now? What might come of you letting that story go?

I’m no psychic, but here’s what I know might happen.

You might get a new story.

That story might have a happy ending.

I know promises are more motivating than “might”, so here’s a promise you can take to the bank:

You will definitely be more free. Free to love and be loved. Isn’t that what you want?

If so, then take a deep breath right now. Fill your lungs to capacity, then hold it for a second or two.

Now, exhale slowly. As you do, attach to that breath the name of an ex, a past lover, a bad date. Release them with forgiveness as you breathe out and let the story go with it.

Repeat this until you’ve taken multiple breathes representing each of those ghosts and horror stories from your past.

Forgiving does far more for you than it does for the person(s) you are forgiving. Try it, reap the benefits, and get ready for the love you deserve.

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KL’s LoveNotes #11: Start Having More Fun With Like-Minded People

July 11, 2013 - Author: KishaLynn Elliott

If you feel trepidation about returning to or continuing the dating grind, here’s a more allowing approach: simply start socializing more with people like yourself.

If you’re an extrovert, chances are you already have a vibrant social life. Fine-tune and choose activities where you are surrounded by people that are similar to you. Even if you are introverted, you can find ways to interact with people with similar interests in smaller, more relaxing and controlled settings.

Adding like-minded friends to your life increases your love resources. It also combats the loneliness and isolation that can occur when you’re single.

As nice as it would be, love rarely just comes knocking at your door. Any relationship worth devoting the rest of your life to will likely start out as a deep, enjoyable friendship cultivated through shared interests. If you begin to create more of these in your life, your days as a single person will be numbered, and a lot more fulfilling. You will you open many more doors for true love to walk through, while living free from the pressure of finding “the one”.

Come out from behind your shell (or your online dating profile). Log off of the internet and check-in to real life. Ask around or do some research. Find the people out there that are like you. Then, get out there and ENJOY THEM!

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KL’s LoveNotes #10: Know What You Have To Offer

July 10, 2013 - Author: KishaLynn Elliott

Take a self-inventory and call out everything you are bringing to the table in your next relationship. Think through the following:

What do you love most about yourself?
What do others love about you?
What are your most attractive physical features?
What are the top three benefits that the love of your life will enjoy?

This inventory serves multiple purposes:

-It gets you feeling good about yourself. Because c’mon–you’re freaking awesome!

-Like attracts like according to the Law of Attraction, so you get clarity on what type of person you are best poised to easily manifest in your life.

-If you are clear on everything you’re bringing to your next relationship, you’re less likely to settle for less than what you’re worth.

-If you choose to try online dating, you’ve got a GREAT head start on writing your profile.

Confidence is sexy and self-awareness is essential. If you know your merits and polish them to a shiny finish, your dream love may notice you from a mile away without you even having to “search”.

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KL’s LoveNotes #9: Realize That You Are Already Whole

July 9, 2013 - Author: KishaLynn Elliott

You do not need a partner to complete you. If you think you’re looking for your other half, then here’s a simple math lesson:

50% + 50% =100%. That’s just breaking even in love AT BEST.

100% + 100% = 200%. That’s a love UPGRADE.

You have enough. You are enough. The only thing a relationship will do is give you MORE than enough. If it feels like something is missing in your single life, it’s because what you are yearning for is to be, do, and have MORE than enough.

There is nothing in the Universe more abundant than love.
That’s what the right relationship will create for you–a more abundant life.

Approaching your relationship search feeling less than whole is a weak start and attracting a less than whole partner is a weak finish. Either of these will likely lead to unhealthy codependency, instability, mutual disappointment and heartbreak. Does that sound like a love dream come true? Nope.

Yes indeed, life is more beautiful and special when you can share it with your one true love. But don’t fool yourself saying you “need” a relationship to feel whole.

Feel whole now and you’ll attract a whole person. That’s what you want.

The goal is not to find your other half.

The goal is to Find Your Equal.

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Archive for: Love

KL’s LoveNotes #18: List the Requirements For Your Next Love

KL’s LoveNotes #17: Become A Flirt

KL’s LoveNotes #16: Find Someone Whose Flaws Are Perfect For You

KL’s LoveNotes #15: Remain Open and Take Your Time

KL’s LoveNotes #14: Create A Map To Your Heart

KL’s LoveNotes #13: Use Music To Get Into The Vibration Of Love

KL’s LoveNotes #12: Forgive Every Past Love

KL’s LoveNotes #11: Start Having More Fun With Like-Minded People

KL’s LoveNotes #10: Know What You Have To Offer

KL’s LoveNotes #9: Realize That You Are Already Whole